emotion,,,

my only media to express my emotion and what i in my mind,,only will be this blog...
how r u dear,its been a day since u leave to go to kl for ur bday celebration,,,,
i miss u..
and i really miss u
how r u now,,,u myst be very enjoying ur trip without me,,mayb bcos u r spending ur time with someone u loved to,,,
no matter how and what decision u made , no matter in the end i will b with u again or not,,,it will never stop me to improve myself to be a better man,,to give u happiness in the future,,,,,
how wish u could really reply my sms,,,,to give me a call,,,to a person who willing to give u everything i could...i mean,,EVERYTHIING....
sleepless night all day n night of me,,,,,coz,,,i do really miss u....

present

dear,do u like ur present?i hope u like,,,this present costs me a mth to search around and find out the most suitable thing to u,,,i do put alot effort on it,,,,,,,but,,when i hand over to u,i dont felt that u r happy no matter what i did and what i done....
u always like that way to response me or reply me anything ,,,i feel bad ..all the time...i just trying to be gd to u,,thats it..
like what i say,i used to do alot thing to be gd for u as i want to regain back the relationship with u...and u r pis off the positive behaviour i m to facing u as u dint wish to be too close to me anymore,,,
now,i my mind,thats only thing,,,,love can ;t always ask for repay,,,,love should give all u could to someone who u in love with without asking for repay back,,this is who i m now...i will do whatever i could to bring u happiness....even though in the ends,u chosen to walk away from me like what u did right now...i will do hope that c u happy all the time...and i will be happy for u at another side of this planet and wont be by ur side....
i gonna fillfull my promises that i failed b4,,,i gonna 100%stop smoking when ur bday arrive in few more hr from now,,,,,i did try b4,,yet u can resist the preasure b4 and continue smoke even i been told not to smoke again,,i m sorry...but this time,,i m serious....and i will be punish by god if i smoke again...i swear here,,and pls god mark my words...
u r heading to kl now,,,and soon,,,u gonna meet n stay with that guy.....the person u willing to spend ur bday with,,,,even though i chosen to believe in u,,,,,u and he is just a fr,,no more other that a fr,,,mayb gd fr,,
at here,,,and again,,i wish u have a sweet and cheerful journey ,,,rest more and have fun,,,
i miss u.........
tonyt
2009-08-31-1850hr

i feel better ....

after long waiting 3days withou seeing u,,finally,i able to meet u a while even though u still the same way to aproach me,..
i feel gd,
i feel gd bcoz i able to c u,,,,i miss u
i feel gd bcos at least i dont let u feel preasure all the moment when we r tgther
ifeel gd bcos i able to fillfull some of ur promises i promise u b4=to pay ur income pax even though is only small sum of money...i did it in the last..
i feel gd bcos,u r still trusting me by allow me to help u change money..mayb its common for u ,,but i felt happy,,,for u allow me to do something for u/
i feel gd bcos by tml morning, i able to meet u again,,,,haha,,even though u will leave away from spore to go to kl n bahau for the next ten day and i will unable to c u...dear,,i will miss u all days n nights when u r not around..really .
i feel gd bcos...i able to buy u a present tml..even though u might already knows what will i going to buy for u,,,at least i proud of the thing i will buy for u tml..
and i do hope that,i do try my best and effort to change my ways to be with u even though is just a dim sum section,,,,at least i didnt show u any of negative feel..did i?i hope i not..
i feel gd bcos,,,i do have chances to chat with u through phone twice today..u r make my days happier...
7 sleeping pill given by doc finish eaten...and i run out of the sleeping pill now,,,,,but i do believe that i able to sleep well today coz my mood is fucking gd as i able to prove to myself i can change the way to approach u n wont give u any bad feel at all,,,,,i so proud i did it in the last//

dear,love u...and i do really care of u and willing to keep learning to fine tuned the way i m when facing u...
dear,miss u,u will be away for so so many days,,,but i will try hard not to bother u and let u enjoying the longest leave for this yrs for u....
dear,,,i love u...and love u...and love u...sweet dream to u ....and c u tml....ah muck muck,,,yita yitani yo bibi kns....hehe

fillfull my promises

been quarrel with u through phone 2days ago again.,...this time,i do really wish to chat about u n left out the sad thing between us...i do try,,,,but ends up quarrel again about the attitude of u toward me...
and u say out ur words from ur true heart,,u say"since our first start in relationship,i just a guy who anyhow give promises,and will never filfull any of it..."i felt my heart so been hurt by ur comment..
after rethink n rethink,,,thinking about what makes u feel so...
i do realise,mayb i m such kind of guy,who always give u sweet thing about what m i going to do and what n i going to buy but mayb most of the time talk talk only..
for past few yrs,,,,i do know that i promise u one thing which is buying a car within this yr,,,but i failed to do so,,i m sorry..but my financial status wasnt allow me to do so right now..
i m sorry to let u feel dissapointed mayb some of the small thing i say i will done but i nv,,i m sorry, and i dont mean it..
and i know,,,this might be the biggest problem of me to let u decide no given me another chance to be back with u again...ya,,,i dont deserved this change,,all due to the records i done b4..i m so sorry to let u down.
from now on,i will try to be a person who will not admit or promise u for anything that i might not able to achieve,i will not do that anymore..
'mayb i might change my way to approach u by,,talk less do more....and i will works on that,,.
been sleepless for a week already,,,everyday needs sleeping pills then able to sleep...i know that it wasnt a healthy way to live,but i do have no choice,..
u tell me also that u not gonna or willing to listern i say I MISS U OR I LOVE U this kind of words..dear,,,i will try to hide inside my heart...i will not telling u all the day...but.,...give me one last chance to speak out here...dear wendy ng bibi,i love u and i miss u all the days n nights...no matter how bad ur attitude towards me,or how long it can be without seeing u...or no matter how many many yrs after,,i just know that,,,,my heart of loving u will never change at all...and it will last forever,,,,if i able to change my personality and u might accept me again in the future,,i will be very proud and go nna be the most happiest guy in this planet...if one day i still fail to do so,,,,i will only love u silently ,,,,silently forever.....顺其自然。。。。。

生日愿望

你的生日快到了。你的愿望会许什么呢？
如果是我的生日愿望，我会许
1.希望你天天快乐。
2.希望你天天健康。
3.我应该留给自己，但是，，我还是希望你天天开心，永远美丽。
因为，我 觉得，只要你快乐。。我会更快乐。。
我爱你。。。。。。。

没有你的世界

没有你的日子，没有一样事是与以前的世界是一样。。。。
没有你，天天都是灰色。。。
没一天我感到温暖，每天晚上都因为感到寒冷，而失眠。
每一次吃东西，都觉得没有任何的酸甜苦辣。
每一次望向天空时，都是灰色的，
我很想你，你好吗？
我好想好想你，但，我知道你很享受单身的自由。。。对吗?
i dun have any mindset or thinking to know what r u doing this few day or who else u r with,,
i just want u to know...
dear,i really miss u,,,,,,,and i love u.,...
thats alot of thing i wish i could ask u ,,,,when u gonna back bahao,,,,how r u gonna back bahao..hows was ur bro;s new job any news....alot alot care and concern i wish i could show u in directly way,,,i just couldnt doing all that now,,,,
dear,if u read my blog here,,,pls do allow me to talk to u,,,i wish i could talk to u and listen to u warm and sweet voice,,once again,,,,,,,,
i really really miss u .....

sleepless night

its been 5 am now,,,,yet i m not yet sleep,..i m sleeplless.
miss u all the night,,,,all of my life..how wish i could hear ur voice or cal u to tell u that i really miss u,,,but i just couldnt do that for now...
coz.,...i know that u r enjoying ur personal life to be a single ladies.....i can only knows what ru doing via ur facebook post..i dont wish to interact ur life ,,but..how wish i could involve what r u gonna do ,,,
i just dun wish to make u feel stress from me,,,,no matter what i wish i could done with u...i had to remain silent....to avoiding u to make u feel free and stressless from me,,,,,,,,and i do wish i could doing that too...
dear, i really wish that one day,the moment i awake from sleep,,,,thats u to tell me a simpy"gd morning"thats gonna be very sweet moment for me,,but for now,,its just a dream for me,,,,,,
sleepless all night,strugled al night,,,,,miss u all of my life

想你的痛苦

好痛苦，戒咽好痛苦，但是我还可以。。。
想你更痛苦，不能见你，不能打点话给你，不能听到你的声音，不知你在哪好不好。。。。
好多话想与你说。。。好多好多，，，
我真的很想你。
你的生日要到了，我的礼物也打算买了，但我知道，你再也不会在于我度过你今年的生日了，
你肯定会到吉隆坡对吗？因为你将要与你的好朋友们一起庆祝，或是你一早就已经跟某个“他”约好，让他为你庆祝你的重要的生日，对吗。。
我没有任何的不满或忌妒你的朋友或某个他，因为我知道我在也不是你的男朋友也没有权力知道你与谁庆祝，我只会羡慕他们或“他”。
我可能想太多，但是，我一直会在远方，一直的努力，一直的耕耘，一直的想你，一直的爱你，，，
我在这，祝你生日快乐，永远美丽，永远开心，，，，而我，，，，，会一直爱你爱你，，，直到永远

who m i?jerk?saint?god?idiot?i m just a ordinary human.

2nd day of quiting smoking,really struggle and suffering...no only that,,,been quarrel with u through the phone...for the action i aproach everything i doing now,,,,
do u know,,,i so struggling in quiting to smoke,and i m really suffering now,,,,,yet u dont show me some care ,,,i do in pain,,,
i m not a god,if i m,,,i will doing things perfectly.
i m not a saint,even saint do have sometime in confuss...i m,,,,,even though i told i doing well to changing my personality,,,and i might narrow into a different track i that aim for,,
m i a jerk?did i do anything directly or indirectly to make u so piss off of me ?i dont know,,,,
m i a idiot?i wish i wasnt,,,what m i doing is just to change my personality to be a better man,,,and u should know what i aim for,,,,,,,
I M JUST A HUMAN-human's been ,,,,,i do whatever thing i i could as i just wish to be a better man,,,i do put effort on this,,,,my motivation is just too care of u and love u..and i understand sometime i might not doing thing or aproach thing or aproach u in a perfect way or gd way,,,,i just hope that u willing to talk to me about my mistake rather that keep blaming about whatever thing i done for the negative comment,,,,,was that really nothing positive by the react i done?i really dunknow...
so so so sad by the react u in toward me,,,,
and what i could done now?remain silent and torrent all the pain myself,,,,ya,,i do wish at least u show me some care for the decision to quit smoking,,,u never,,,u just blaming on whatever thing i done....i m so negative>?'
even a prisoner deserve a second chance,,,and y cant i just able to get some positive comment from u?
no matter how,,the road for me to chasing my dream will never stop and i will never quiting to be a bettre man to treat u well,,..no matter how high the mountain infront of me to block my way to achieve my dream,,,i will never stop and keep climbing,,even though it might takes yrs or more to climb over that mountain,,,i will still continue to do that no matter i m sick i m disable or so,,,,,
learn from the lesson....learn from the exprience and never give up....

chinese ghost mth

dear,after today midnight gonna be the whole mth of chinese ghost mth,
i still remember when we r tgther still, u r so afraid and i m always keep u company no matter what thing u done and where u go,,,,
this yr,,,,i wont be ur side to do the same thing i gonna done anymore,,even though i wish i could,
i just hope that u will not hestite to bother ur bro to keep u company if u afraid,,,,
dear,,,i m still a guy who willing to show u support and care of u someway another side of this world,,,i do love u and pls take care of urself as u always do,,,

smoking ..

i started to be a smoker after our relationship break down,,,,,,as i cant resist the stress and the sadness cause of the break up of our relationship...
and i know that u r so piss off from me for all the behaviour i show towards u ...
and u r trying to avoid me,,,
dear,
and now,,,i gonna quiting to smoke,,,no more ....even though it is so so difficult..
and i do hope that....by doing this at least will slightly increase some positive point of me in ur mind,,,i hope so,,,
i m torrenting now,,,,its has been 23hr since i decide to quit,,,,i m so suffering,,,,and u knw its wasnt that easy to quit smoking.,..
but ,i will accept and torrent every single pain that cause from the quiting smoking progress ......
and i will success.....and i know thats r something motivated me from behind,,,that is the love i gonna show u ..and this will reflect the willinging i want to change to be a betterman,,,,

regret and realise

love r miracle,somehow it will bring u happiness ,some time,it will ruin ur world,,and i do exprience both of the ending which cause by LOVE.
i regret,for not treat u well enough when we r in relationship.even though i thought i m doing well and treat u very gd..its just wasnt gd enough.
i regret,for keep argue for sometime is just a small small argument betwen us,,,,and cause this end.
i regret,for been too free and aimless for my life goal ,i should have done better by planning something about ourself in the future yet i didnt...
i regret,for evrytime our problem turn sour,and i should be the one who apologize no matter what,,but sometime,i didnt
and
i do realise,u r so so so important for me ...i do know u r important for me when we r togther is just i dont know how to show u the desire and willinging to treat u more well.
i do realise,that,.some time when things turn sour or situation bcome bad ,,i should be more patient for handle the situation rather that keep throw my temper toward u..
and last,i do realise,i m changing from the tony t u used to know back in three yrs ago to someone who in hot temper and no patient on everything......finally i realise......\

i do realise that,,,i m who i m right now,,,,i could do everything i cant do b4,,,i can torrent all the preassure alone without tempered on some others.,..i can be more patient when handle the situation..i able to do some kind of think which i could accept for the pass,,,anything...


and i do know,,,,i m changing,,,i wish i could bring back the tonyt that u used to love,u used to willing to spend ur time with,a tonyt that u willing to lay down on his shoulder and he will give u a comfort feel and secure feel,,,,
dear,i m working hard on those thing above,,even better,,,,and i do believe that,PRATICES MAKES SUCCESS!and i do really everything i could is just hope u able to accept me again,,,a person who willing to give evertyhing he could just to bring u happiness and secure future rest of ur life....

a begining of my life's long achievement

the purpose of starting this blog is wish to record down the effort that i put in and the progress to achieve my dream achievement,,,,,,,
hope that someday in the future as i review this blog again and i able to rewind the memory that how m i improve to be a better man to give u happiness,,,,,,