impossible.....

after almost 10 days of without chating ,,,,we r in the phone,,
and u r telling me that u r impossible to be with me anymore,,,,even in the future...
i felt sad..i felt bad,,,
do u know,,,,,u r break my heart compltely//??
i dun know what should i do,,,,
do u know,,,i m doing anything i could just wish to be a betterman again ,,,,,

and u tell me no matter how i done,,,will not change anything in the future...
from love become hates..its needs one second ,,,,,and for me,,,,i should HATE u,,,for not even given me a chance to prove all the effort i put in will be success....
u r so cruel,u r so cold blood,,,,
and i m totally been deeply hurt by the decision u made!!!!!
to be honest,,,from my true heart,i m never treat u bad at all when we r been into relationship for past 3yrs,,,
do i deserved this ends??
do i??
u r taking a away my dream ,my aim and my hope,,,the last thing i fight s for,,,
and ,,,,,,
trust me,,,,,,,,
i will fulfil ur wish very soon and u will not able to c me anymore.......i swear......

ignoring

6days u r off to holiday,,,
and 6dayS U R IGNORING me,,,,even a sms u not even bother to apply,,,
what made u so hate of me////
U tell me u choosen to break up with me,,,,,the reson,,we r not the same charcter and no suitable to be tgther,,
after three yr,,u then tel u all this,,,,what should i do/
to be honest,i swear i treat u very well,,,from the start of our relationship..
i never though of leaving u,,
i do give u everything...
maybe something i might in bad mood and might throw u some bad face when i torrenting the preasure i m facing..but,,thats all..
did i hurt u deeply?by how?
did i make u so hate of me by the behaviour i m in??
could u pls tell me y,,
thats a multiply of question mark layying in my mind,,,
after 5 mths of apart from u,,
i dothink positive,,,
ido give everything i could to show u my willinging to change to be a betterman,,
did u hurt u then?what actually did i make u so pis off ?
i dont know,,
i just know,,,
u hates me,,,
u hates me for everything i done...everything i change,,everything that involve me,,
u say beg me to give u back ur freedom,,
what did i done to make u so so stress??
was that show u care n love wll become hurt u so badly?
i dunnow..
i have a strange thinking now,,
i m been keep ignoring by u for a week now,,,
even though i do nothing ...just a sms ,,,
u will not even bother to read it i can say,,,
what if,one day,,,i involve in an accident which might cost me my life or seriously injuried.....will u intent to call me/care of me/OR cry for me?
do u know,,,,by the time u wish to care of me,,,,i will start to hate u to pity me,,,,as i dont wish to witness it,,

i dunnow...i just know ,,,,that the way u r doing now,,,,will turn al the situation become more inconvinece for both of us,,
is that after losing ur love to me,,,
u not even bother to be my fr anymore?did i as bad as u think i m?
m i really as BAD as u Think i m???
god,could u pls tell me what did i done wrongly to let she so piss off of me,,,,
i starting to think negative,,,again...even though i dont wish to,,,
nd i do hope i able to overcome this feel,,,,,otherwise,,,,,,i will...

HATE

its been 5days i nv get any response from u via sms,,,,,for the request from me to chat a while with u,,,.
saw u online via msn,,,the very first words u tell me...U HATE ME!!
u hate for everything i doing now.
u hate that everything i post...
u hate whatever thing i trying to be..
did i make u so hate me ?
what did i done??
y does thing turns so badly .?
i dont understand....
i never mean to trying to bother or disturb ur holiday...did i?
i do only miss u all days n nights...that it
was that the only way to make u feel better is to leave u completely,,no even able to be ur fr??is that the way u chosen>'

if ur answer is YES>>
do tell me,,,,if that can make ur life happier by losing a fr ---me,,,do let me know,,,
i got no choice but to respect and accept the decision u make..
but no matter how,,my heart of loving u will nv change..
i will move on,,i will be a better man,,,,a better who miss u all days n nights...
a better man who will only hide the love towards u silently.....
i love u wendy ng wei ling,....

miss u

its been 4am right now,,,yet i still unable to receive ur reply of my sms or a call from u..
u must be thinking of by doing this way will piss me off..u will think this is a way which able to make me mad over u or will give up of chasing u,,
dear,dont be silly,,i will not ..
tell u wht i felt in my mind now,,
i dont feel sad when u not response me at all...
i dont feel mad by u keep ignoring my smses,,
i dont feel down when u no even willing to spend me 5mins as what i wish u could given me,,,
what i felt right now is,
I MISS U...
I DO MISS U
I DO REALLY MISS U..
SLEEPLESS for pass 4 days..and my eye was as black s panda,,,
yet,,i just cant sleep...i just cant stop to miss u,,
dear......i MISS U

on ur bday...

on ur bday ....u r celebrating ur bday with the one u loved n willing to spend to,,,
n i,,,,,staying alone at home,,,to miss u here silently,,
i felt bad when trying to sms u all day ..even it jus only three......u not even bother to reply me no matter how,,,dun wish to call u ,,coz i know u not going to pick it at all,,
there's once u reply,,i asking for 5min talk,,and u say u r busy,,,m i not even worth 5min of ur time at all?i felt really really down,,,
was it trying to love someone r so so so difficult ?i do put effort on everything i could to change my personality to be a better man,,i do,,,but,,,i m no even worth 5mins tht i wish to in ur life,,,,,thats hurt.
dont afraid to hurt me,,,tell me the truth,,i going to accept that,i going to torrent that,,if i can take it i take it,,if cant,,i just give up for everything...
u mean everything to me,,,,
and i do really feel bad when u r not even willing to reply my sms at all......thats really really hurt...
for whole day of ur bday,,i spending all the time in house to learn a program to create a dvd to u....its so hard to learn a new program,,,,,but i try my best and spend quite sometime to figure out how to use it,,,,,i do hope u will like it,,
i really put effort on everything icould be done...
and dear..i do really love u....and will love u forever.....

emotion,,,

my only media to express my emotion and what i in my mind,,only will be this blog...
how r u dear,its been a day since u leave to go to kl for ur bday celebration,,,,
i miss u..
and i really miss u
how r u now,,,u myst be very enjoying ur trip without me,,mayb bcos u r spending ur time with someone u loved to,,,
no matter how and what decision u made , no matter in the end i will b with u again or not,,,it will never stop me to improve myself to be a better man,,to give u happiness in the future,,,,,
how wish u could really reply my sms,,,,to give me a call,,,to a person who willing to give u everything i could...i mean,,EVERYTHIING....
sleepless night all day n night of me,,,,,coz,,,i do really miss u....

present

dear,do u like ur present?i hope u like,,,this present costs me a mth to search around and find out the most suitable thing to u,,,i do put alot effort on it,,,,,,,but,,when i hand over to u,i dont felt that u r happy no matter what i did and what i done....
u always like that way to response me or reply me anything ,,,i feel bad ..all the time...i just trying to be gd to u,,thats it..
like what i say,i used to do alot thing to be gd for u as i want to regain back the relationship with u...and u r pis off the positive behaviour i m to facing u as u dint wish to be too close to me anymore,,,
now,i my mind,thats only thing,,,,love can ;t always ask for repay,,,,love should give all u could to someone who u in love with without asking for repay back,,this is who i m now...i will do whatever i could to bring u happiness....even though in the ends,u chosen to walk away from me like what u did right now...i will do hope that c u happy all the time...and i will be happy for u at another side of this planet and wont be by ur side....
i gonna fillfull my promises that i failed b4,,,i gonna 100%stop smoking when ur bday arrive in few more hr from now,,,,,i did try b4,,yet u can resist the preasure b4 and continue smoke even i been told not to smoke again,,i m sorry...but this time,,i m serious....and i will be punish by god if i smoke again...i swear here,,and pls god mark my words...
u r heading to kl now,,,and soon,,,u gonna meet n stay with that guy.....the person u willing to spend ur bday with,,,,even though i chosen to believe in u,,,,,u and he is just a fr,,no more other that a fr,,,mayb gd fr,,
at here,,,and again,,i wish u have a sweet and cheerful journey ,,,rest more and have fun,,,
i miss u.........
tonyt
2009-08-31-1850hr